Monday, August 18, 2014

Second Date Style (Or My Arguable Lack Thereof)

First date outfit goals: knock his or her socks off with my charming femininity (as previously discussed). But what about the second date? I'm so glad you asked, dear reader! (Shh, it's a rhetorical device.) On date number two, I try to let my inner slob shine. I don't bother to suppress my outer slob either. No makeup. Schlumpy comfy clothes. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I do try to display a less visually idealized version of myself. Sometimes I run a combo game: unwashed hair and a flirty dress on the first date, but red lipstick and sweats on the second date. Gotta keep 'em on their toes.

To be honest, I dislike dating. I've done more of it than seems reasonable for a twenty-year-old, but I chalk that up to efficiency. One of the points in favor of online dating is that it allows me to review many candidates over a short period of time. However, the process is exhausting. First dates are awkward, and sometimes the uncomfortable vibe carries over into the second date. Being inundated with such semi-stilted encounters (albeit through my own maneuvering) is tiresome. What I really want is another relationship, not endless horrible dating.

But I wonder, is my wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach the wrong way to seek for a partner? Apparently I'm supposed to be "okay on my own". Then my remarkable contentment and soaring self-esteem will attract a sensitive tousle-haired someone with unrealized dreams--oh wait, I'm describing (500) Days of Summer, and I think we all remember how much irritating nonsense Summer had to put up with. Geez, I'll take Don Jon instead.

Dunno which movie this moment is from, but I like it:

sexy portrait of Joseph Gordon-Levitt

// Joseph Gordon-Levitt by ciliadesu //

16 comments :

  1. Second date, yes, more relaxed! Hopefully. I know online dating can work, tiresome sifting process that it is, as I have many good friends and close family members who met their (now) spouses/committed partners that way! But I still feel that a hefty percentage of people meet situationally: workplace, college or night class, gym, mutual friend's party. I even know several people who met their future partners at weddings of a mutual friend or relation! Having a friend or interest/situation in common can lessen the awkwardness of that first date a little I guess. ♡♫♡

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    1. Yup, I'm sure I'll put all this effort in and then meet someone at school! lol

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  2. I always preferred to not even think about dating. Sure, I had several boyfriends before I met the wizard, but I can recall a clear distinction between the ones where I felt like we were DATINGOMG and ones where I felt like we were just together. Needless to say, the DATINGOMG ones lasted the least time and ended the least satisfactorily (usually them just flaking out/disappearing). Although not all of the 'together' ones resulted in a long term relationship, one did result in marriage, and two others resulted in continuing, amiable friendship (so, at least two flavours of long term relationship).

    What I'm trying, incredibly laboriously, to get at is that I don't like to overanalyse my relationships, especially at the beginning. It's incredibly easy to do, but all of the ones worth keeping just started as a bunch of no-pressure coffee catch-ups/uni lectures/friendly, relaxed conversations. I find it helps keep things so much less stressful/anxiety inducing, and it kind of gives both of you a bit more of an 'out' if things don't click quite the way you like (or you discover they're a sociopath or something). Instead of 'breaking up', you can plausibly part as casual friends. Obviously, it doesn't always work perfectly, but what does in life?

    Congrats to anyone who's still reading, LOL! ;-)

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    1. Mhm, good to just let it happen :)
      (this response feels so inadequate compared to your thorough comment haha)

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  3. I love how you describe your dating style! You are so witty and amusing. And yes I agree it's good to go more casual on the second date, so they get to see "you" and not some souped up version of yourself that is unrecognizable from your regular self they're gonna be seeing all the time if they stick around. I've been guilty of doing that!

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  4. Seconding how witty and amusing you are. :) And I toootally feel how awful dating is. Going over the same things on every first date is a massive pain. "Dreams goals career plans squishy awkward secrets ENOUGH ALREADY." And you just want someone who already knows all that stuff, who understands things implicitly...yeah, I hear you.

    On my first date with Josh, I wore one of my loudest dresses (this one: http://colormebrazen.wordpress.com/2014/03/20/vernal-victory/) and my favorite hat. He told me later that it wasn't really his aesthetic, but he loved how "me" it was.

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    1. For real. The phrase "squishy awkward secrets" is great! And thanks for telling me that, I love cute snippets of people's relationships :)

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  5. That whole "be content while single and the right one will come along" thing is silly and cliche, but it was kind of true in my case. It took recovering from a broken heart and getting to a place of contentment as a single person to be able to see what I wanted and what I wouldn't compromise on. I met Daniel a month later and we've been together almost 7 years (and married 4).

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    1. That's wonderful! Maybe it'll happen to me too :)

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  6. To me, dating seems like this mystical creature that floats behind clouds. I know it's there, but I have yet to see it. Usually my serious relationships stemmed from good friendships, so there wasn't any awkward dating phase. Maybe an awkward friend phase, but certainly not an official date.

    That being said, I hope that you manage to come across someone with whom you have wonderful and lengthy conversations about common or uncommon interests. :)

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    1. Yes, that's what I want! Thank you my dear :)

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  7. I met my husband online. Worked for me! And I'm all for not trying too hard!

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    1. That's good to know, because you seem like a wonderful couple!

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  8. I think this second-date idea is actually quite a good one. I wouldn't ever want to date someone, let alone have a relationship with someone, who couldn't embrace and accept my inner slob. Letting that side of yourself come through early on is definitely important. I know some couples that have been together YEARS, and would still cry at the thought of farting in front of each other. I'd personally never want that :p

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    1. Yeah, it sounds so uncomfortable! I like to be able to relaxxx

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