My dad took the above photo of me while trying to explain something about how to use our camera. Maybe you can tell from my expression that I was resistant to being educated. That horrible shaky feeling was pressing on my ribs.
I hate learning new skills. I like having new skills, but I hate learning them. When I turned 17, I had never been behind the wheel of a car. I didn't want to tackle driving; my mom had to force me to get my permit. The lever she used was exasperation. "Sonya, you want the freedom of being an adult but none of the responsibilities." True. Eventually that reasoning was effective, because I felt guilty.
Like most people, I don't want to do things that are hard. For me, a big part of it is that I dichotomize my experiences into two categories: success or failure. I tend to think that if I'm not the best, then I'm nothing. So the beginning phase of discovering a new process or technique, when you have to deal with not being an expert instantly, makes me feel like crying.
The sewing machine. Emotional ambiguity. Configuring a website. Anything that I can't quickly encompass intellectually. All of these things make me anxious.
Just sayin'.
Speaking of new skills, I have yet to figure out how to use blush without looking sunburnt.
Having the patience to learn new things is sometimes hard, but I believe in you! I hate failure too, but you do learn from it - or you learn from trying not to fail!
ReplyDeleteBut anyway you look so cute in this outfit! I absolutely love the mix of prints here and those tights have a great pattern too.
Thank you, Jamie! I appreciate the encouragement.
DeleteYour dress and tights make me happy. And to be honest, I'm the exact same way! I love having new skills and feeling the accomplishment of having learned them, but the getting there is a nightmare. I hate NOT being able to do things, or doing things shittily (word?). At the moment I'm trying to learn guitar. My boyfriend says I have a natural knack for it, but because I screw up so much and can't play a song, I automatically get disheartened. Sighs. Maybe it's a curse of sensitivity.
ReplyDeleteCould very well be! I'm interested to see what you'll do with music once you get over the early learning humps with guitar! I've always been much too impatient for instruments, alas.
DeleteI have exactly the same problem re: success or failure. I'm intensely competitive, but only with myself! It's getting better with non-academic things, but with academic things I'm still dreadful.
ReplyDeleteMy tips for blush (from a fellow newbie): never go below your nosetip with the colour and don't do the smile trick: just look normally into a mirror, and use your fingers to tap the blush just onto the top of your cheekbone/wherever you think looks good that is a high point on your face (experiment a bit). Also try never taking it further in than the middle of your eye. Works for me every time. The smile trick is deceptive, because the parts of your face that are high when you smile fall when you stop smiling - so it's easy to get the blush too far down and get the sunburn effect. Also, you don't (well, I don't) walk around with a permanent 'blush smile' plastered over your face, so I figure the blush has to look good on a neutral face instead!
I find, when you're new to blush, brushes give you way too much pigment and way too little control, and they're usually big and fluffy so it's kind of hard to gauge where you're actually putting the colour. That's why I avoid them. Yet another tip is to always do your blush in natural light. Yellow fluorescent bathroom light hides the blush, somehow, and when you go outside and pass a mirror you're like OMGWTFBBQ!! :-D
When you're as pale as we are, the key is to just put on enough that you look like a healthy person, not so that you look like you've been exercising in the sun. The rules are a little different for medium and deeper skintones, I find.
Hope your ribs didn't break from all my wonderfully unsolicited 'advice' :-D Blush is AWESOME when you find a method that works for you!
THIS IS SO HELPFUL, THANK YOU! I'm gonna print out this comment to have it with me next time I do my makeup, haha
DeleteI'm glad it helped! :-D
DeleteIt was a total revelation to me when it was pointed out to me that the 'smile' trick has some pretty serious inherent problems. I'm not saying it totally doesn't work, or that it isn't great for some face types (probably ones with already-pronounced bone structure), but I've had the best success staying well away from it! :-P
If you've gone too far there's always toilet paper. wax on, wax off.
DeleteY'all are my Mister Miyagi when it comes to makeup!
DeleteSuper love the outfit and all those poses! They certainly give your words more meaning. As I procrastinate writing a paper because I am scared to succeed because than I may fail I totally feel you! Love as always!
ReplyDeleteI bet that you're gonna kill it on your essay! <33
DeleteOh yes, this. I don't have to be perfect at everything. Just perfect in the things I want to be. And liek naow.
ReplyDeleteI think the blush looks great, but I'm right there with you. Too afraid of looking like a hooker to wear it myself. Maybe one day I'll figure it out? I think yours is adorable! And I was one of those kids too afraid of driving and pretty much anything -- I got over the driving thing, but not much else. Learning is very challenging and it's scary for me. And I guess us anxious breeds sure do have it a bit rougher than the rest. If you ever need help with anything blog related (website configuration) don't hesitate to email me, I'm pretty handy! And your dress is so very pretty!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jessica! Solidarity.
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